The First Anniversary Of Your Death

Dear Ossie:

Today marks one year since your physical presence has left the earth, us, to journey into the other life, to do God’s work on Angel Duty. I imagine you have earned your wings by now. I know your view on us is all compassing now. Now you know all our flaws, our strengths, our weaknesses and you are bearing witness to the diverse ways in which we all grieve your absence from our lives. Your loss hits us all in waves and is as complex and diverse as we are and though we have had a year to adjust to your continual physical absence, the impact of your silence stays with us. 

Mother (Jacqueline) & Son (Ossie)

Auntie Jacqueline she is maneuvering your passing as best as she could, you are/were her baby. There are no words of comfort really as a mother’s grief is bone deep, soul steep and layered, from one breath when we breathe for you nestled in our wombs to two when you make your debut into the physical world. Our bodies instinctively carry the memories of our children infinitely. It is the reason when something happens to our child/children we feel it first in our belly. The ache the pull is such that we clutch it to somehow find relief.  


I check in on her ever so often, we rap and you know me am a talker so I poke around to ensure she’s alright. She’s in Trinidad now staying with George. Yes you read right, George, one of your big brothers, blows your mind right? He is taking good care of her she says.

1st Lieutentant Nov 2015 with George & Glenda

I can’t tell you how your other siblings are dealing as I do not communicate with them, (well, with the exception of one of course - Pat) so sad but so true. I haven’t spoken to Kathleen or Curtis in about 30 years – yes it is true you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. No real reason really, just the passage of time, distance and no real effort on either of our parts to stay in touch. Anthony and Esmond I think about 3 years ago? 

I spoke with George about 3 months when he came in support Pat when she was promoted to First Lieutenant? I hope I got that right, because you know cous will more than set me straight!  She looked so good, cute as all get out. 

Father (Ossie) & Son (Lebron)

The Gould Brothers, Tony, Esmond, Ossie

My cous/your sis is so beautiful, lucky for her she got her good looks from my side of the family. Don’t be rolling your eyes at me mister, you know it’s true, we are gorgeous! She misses you like crazy you know and she checks in often with Lebron. Did you know she and your niece Tennille ran the San Diego's Half Marathon in celebration of your life?

 

1st Lieutenant  P.Gould                                  San Diego's Half Marathon

Speaking of gorgeousness remember when you use to hide behind Tantie Jacqueline from the girls who practically stalked you because you were so handsome? Ha ha sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t laugh but remember Curtis’s wedding; ha I almost peed myself laughing. You were too cute begging Tantie Jacqueline to please hide you. Don’t be embarrassed it is what it is, truth. I know I know I always talk about that but as memories go that is a good one, you have to admit. God took his time molding you. The Divine did such a good job that all the girls had to show their appreciation, again, and again, and again and again. J

Well I guess I better wrap this up huh, you probably got more angel duty to perform and here I am bending your ears and crossing your eyes with my jibber jabber. I bet you didn’t think that I’d be the one to have a blog for you. As you can see most of the entries are your writings through the years, I add my piece here and there but it’s mostly yours. I shouldn’t take all the credit since your sis Pat and I came up with the idea together.


I miss you Ossie, I know we didn’t talk often but when we did we had some good rap sessions. You are loved. You will always be in our thoughts and hearts.

Keep a watch over us.
Smooches, 
your cous D.S.B.S.Rhapsody (yeah, i had to add all the letters, you know me)

On Angel Duty: 

365 days

52 weeks and 1 day

8760 hours

525,600 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

100.00% of a year