The First Anniversary Of Your Death

Dear Ossie:

Today marks one year since your physical presence has left the earth, us, to journey into the other life, to do God’s work on Angel Duty. I imagine you have earned your wings by now. I know your view on us is all compassing now. Now you know all our flaws, our strengths, our weaknesses and you are bearing witness to the diverse ways in which we all grieve your absence from our lives. Your loss hits us all in waves and is as complex and diverse as we are and though we have had a year to adjust to your continual physical absence, the impact of your silence stays with us. 

Mother (Jacqueline) & Son (Ossie)

Auntie Jacqueline she is maneuvering your passing as best as she could, you are/were her baby. There are no words of comfort really as a mother’s grief is bone deep, soul steep and layered, from one breath when we breathe for you nestled in our wombs to two when you make your debut into the physical world. Our bodies instinctively carry the memories of our children infinitely. It is the reason when something happens to our child/children we feel it first in our belly. The ache the pull is such that we clutch it to somehow find relief.  


I check in on her ever so often, we rap and you know me am a talker so I poke around to ensure she’s alright. She’s in Trinidad now staying with George. Yes you read right, George, one of your big brothers, blows your mind right? He is taking good care of her she says.

1st Lieutentant Nov 2015 with George & Glenda

I can’t tell you how your other siblings are dealing as I do not communicate with them, (well, with the exception of one of course - Pat) so sad but so true. I haven’t spoken to Kathleen or Curtis in about 30 years – yes it is true you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. No real reason really, just the passage of time, distance and no real effort on either of our parts to stay in touch. Anthony and Esmond I think about 3 years ago? 

I spoke with George about 3 months when he came in support Pat when she was promoted to First Lieutenant? I hope I got that right, because you know cous will more than set me straight!  She looked so good, cute as all get out. 

Father (Ossie) & Son (Lebron)

The Gould Brothers, Tony, Esmond, Ossie

My cous/your sis is so beautiful, lucky for her she got her good looks from my side of the family. Don’t be rolling your eyes at me mister, you know it’s true, we are gorgeous! She misses you like crazy you know and she checks in often with Lebron. Did you know she and your niece Tennille ran the San Diego's Half Marathon in celebration of your life?

 

1st Lieutenant  P.Gould                                  San Diego's Half Marathon

Speaking of gorgeousness remember when you use to hide behind Tantie Jacqueline from the girls who practically stalked you because you were so handsome? Ha ha sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t laugh but remember Curtis’s wedding; ha I almost peed myself laughing. You were too cute begging Tantie Jacqueline to please hide you. Don’t be embarrassed it is what it is, truth. I know I know I always talk about that but as memories go that is a good one, you have to admit. God took his time molding you. The Divine did such a good job that all the girls had to show their appreciation, again, and again, and again and again. J

Well I guess I better wrap this up huh, you probably got more angel duty to perform and here I am bending your ears and crossing your eyes with my jibber jabber. I bet you didn’t think that I’d be the one to have a blog for you. As you can see most of the entries are your writings through the years, I add my piece here and there but it’s mostly yours. I shouldn’t take all the credit since your sis Pat and I came up with the idea together.


I miss you Ossie, I know we didn’t talk often but when we did we had some good rap sessions. You are loved. You will always be in our thoughts and hearts.

Keep a watch over us.
Smooches, 
your cous D.S.B.S.Rhapsody (yeah, i had to add all the letters, you know me)

On Angel Duty: 

365 days

52 weeks and 1 day

8760 hours

525,600 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

100.00% of a year 

IN PRAY FOR HIS ASCENSION

Psalm 130

A SONG OF ASCENTS

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;

Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Israel put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

IN 40 DAYS WE GATHER

ONE MONTH

Today marks 30 days since Ossie’s departure from this physical world. Though we, the loved ones left behind to deal with the hole his absence created we know that he is in a better place. He is in a place void of human suffering, the endless physical, emotional and psychological pain he had to endure as a result of his valiant battle with stage 4 nasopharyngeal cancer. Five years he soldiered on, he fought, he won, he triumph, he stood tall and he ran when he could barely walk. He knew his time was near and came into acceptance long before any of us could, or would. He took his final steps into glory and face death head on. I wonder if I’d have that courage.

I am past the pain of disbelief. I now vacillate between numbness, brief forgetfulness and acceptance. Life goes on, not even pausing for his last breath, the clock never stopped to acknowledge his passing. People were laughing, animated while he lay still dying. They were planning their lives, celebrating, acknowledging, affirming, and clueless to the deafening silence of the nothingness of his pending nonexistence as he closed his eyes to the permanence of eternal muteness. I laid in my bed listening to the sounds of life around me, living and resenting the interplay of conversations, of the resonance of joy spilling over and bouncing off the paper thin walls, of the music playing loudly next door as they partied. Life goes on as death walks in and stakes its claim.

I am perplexed by death. I am vexed by death. I am battling a tumultuous array of feelings as I am strangely unenthusiastically grateful to death with its swift merciful hand snatching away unbearable insurmountable pain and suffering. I am defiantly reluctant to acknowledge and willingly deny knowing death, though it’s not a stranger.

Death is the uncomfortable familiar that barges into every room, every place, every house, and every space uninvited not caring for an invitation or waiting for a greeting or an introduction. It cares not for formalities nor does it discriminate to please, ease or appease. I know I will face death one day, it’s inevitable. I pray that I have the courage Ossie did, to face it and say I am ready, lead the way.

Rest in peace cous, God speed.
1972-2015

HE LIVED

Oswald Gould (Ossie) was born on December 18, 1972 in Port of Spain Trinidad. He was called home to his Lord on February 21, 2015 after an “intense” battle with stage 4 Nasopharyngeal cancer, a rare form of cancer located at the back of his nostrils underneath his brain. Ossie migrated to the United States in 1995 and joined the United States Navy shortly after. He was an avid runner and logged many miles each week. His love of running led to him competing in the Wounded Warriors games even while battling cancer. Running was his therapy.

Ossie was a dedicated young man. His work ethic was exemplary and he was often referred to as the sailor you can count on. “I know I can count on Gould. Even if it’s a holiday, once I call he shows up” was one of his chief’s favorite comments when he talked about Petty Officer Gould. Petty Officer Gould had a reputation for being reliable, hardworking and the one who always was about getting the job done.

When Ossie was initially diagnosed with stage 4 Nasopharyngeal cancer, he made up his mind to fight the greatest battle of his life. He held firmly to his faith in God and with the loving care of his mother he triumphed demonstrating that he was an over-comer in Christ. He fought cancer the first time around and became a changed man. Ossie became a vegan believing that he needed to improve the care of his temple and dedicated every breath he had to holding on to God. He discovered“what really mattered” in life – faith in God. He became an inspiration to all who knew him. He sent Face book messages and texts every day to family and friends reminding them to “never give up on God but keep believing in Him.” It was this message he consistently conveyed, and in doing so he helped others rise above their own daily and life challenges.

Ossie took great pride in being a father. He loved his son, Lebron, and wanted to help him become a better man than he ever was. His biggest regret was not having enough time to teach Lebron the life lessons he had learned. Ossie was a loving husband. He devoted his life to providing a loving and caring home.

Ossie leaves behind his wife Avalon Gould, his son Lebron Gould, his parents Jacqueline Douglas and Inniss Gould and his siblings Curtis Douglas, Kathleen Douglas, Anthony Gould, Esmond Gould, Petra Henry, George Douglas, Patricia Gould and Petra Masson and 17 nieces and nephews (Gerard, Nicole, Nikiesha, Stacey, Kwame, Damian, Glenda, Camille, Dario, Tennille, Donna, Debra, Solano Shirelle, Olivia and Brooke) and many cousins.

THE VIEWING

Day/Date:         Sunday March 1, 2015 

Time:                from 3pm to 5pm

Where:             Metropolitan Funeral Home

Address:          120 West Berkley Avenue Norfolk VA 23523.

THE FUNERAL SERVICE

Day/Date:           Monday March 2, 2015

Place:                 Metropolitan Funeral Home
Time:                11:00 am (burial immediately following)

Where:               Albert G Horton Memorial Veterans cemetery

Address:            5310 Milners Road Suffolk VA 23434.

CONDOLENCES:

Please forward condolences to his wife Avalon Gould at 745 Hunters Quay Chesapeake VA 23320.

FAMILY & FRIENDS:

For out of town family and friends the hotel being used is Courtyard Norfolk Downtown at 520 Plume Street Norfolk VA 23510.

CHARITY:

In honor of Ossie we are raising awareness of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and staying active by donating to our favorite charities by logging miles. You can get started by going to the link and download the app to your phone and log your miles: www.charitymiles.org/

WOUNDED WARRIOR GAMES:

Participating in the Warrior Games in the midst of his battle with Nasopharyngeal cancer, Ossie dared to live, to fight, he challenged himself and ran after 33 days of radiation and five sets of chemotherapy.